Why Spanking High-School Stude…

ArslanPosted on1:50 pm - Dec 14, 2012

The notion that if one does spank, it must be done wuohtit any visible anger is utter nonsense, a cousin to the ludicrous “This hurts me more than you” passive-aggressive BS.Letting out some emotion is a) part of that spectrum that goes from ‘please stop that’ to ‘you really, really blew it’ and b) good for your blood pressure 🙂 — bottled up anger is not ‘no anger’.Seeing that you have truly had enough in your full body language and tone is a vital life lesson that might give them a clue that outside your home, similarly obnoxious behavior might result in a punch in the face or worse.A Xanax’ed delivery loses much of that impact.Showing anger is not the same thing as ‘losing control’. And the funny thing is, some of the most wild-eyed crazed looking moms are the ones who’ve been doing what they think is the enlightened mom routine, then when they finally reach the breaking point look genuinely on the verge of losing it. Letting some of that out *sooner* is better.I’ll absolutely agree it depends on the kid as far as no spanking, token swats, or having to put some burn on it. Timeouts work like a charm with some kids. It doesn;t work for others, like our son when he was 2-3, becasue sitting in the corner ultimately requires cooperation from the child, and if he is out of sorts and worked up, you aren’t getting that. With him it would be amazing how he would be crying and fussing, bordering on a tantrum — it would go on for a while with no sign of slowing, but then, like magic, a spanking would result in more intense crying for a minute or so then he’d be fine — it would literally help snap him out of his mood. The severity of spanking is another issue, as too wimpy a spanking, a non-authoritative one (again tailored to the kid) is arguably worse than not spanking because it breeds contempt — the sneering “Is that the best you’ve got” in the extreme case.I’ve seen little girls who get barely a tap on the butt and burst in to tears, mainly because it hurt their feelings.Other kids, particularly some boys, truly need a firmer spanking with some real impact. It’s tricky because some kids have figured out how to howl just for effect and you have to be able to judge the difference.We’ve all seen the moms in stores with a hellraising screaming toddler or pre-schooler who impotently plead with the kid to pipe down, or promise *rewards* (or give up and leave) basically becoming hostages to their kids bad behavior, or — worse- subscribe to the school of ‘just let ’em cry it out – they’ll soon learn it does no good and quit doing it. That *might* work with some kids — but in the meantime they’re being horribly inconsiderate to everyone else around them (and teaching the kid not to have any thought for the broader impact of their decisions, beyond the parent).Also, I have a problem with those — mostly moms– who won’t hardly get on to very youngs kids at all. “Oh, they’re too young to understand”. Nonsense — not that they’re necessarily wrong about the understanding bit, but every correction doesn’t have to be a lecture. They need to start learning boundaries *before* they can write an essay on the subject. Sure, maybe they ‘don’t know’ — but if you don’t start correcting, who else will they ever learn?